You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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