why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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