But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He kissed a someone with a penis
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm both gender and math confused
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