I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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