Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Mom said you looked used
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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