; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
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The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
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At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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