anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
