My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Randomize
