Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
