Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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