I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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