My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
