She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
