tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i came on her dog
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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