cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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