I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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