I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
