The maid of honor just puked.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
