My sheets look like a crime scene.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
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Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
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btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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