my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
