I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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