We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Someone came in the potted fern
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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