wrigley field is MILF paradise
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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