out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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