Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
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I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
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While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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