god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Randomize
