dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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