nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
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We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
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I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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