I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
