why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
