So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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