I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Bang-toberfest begins!!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I had to cum in my sink.
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