Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
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his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
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Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize