i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
