How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
