eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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