I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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