my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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