well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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