Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
