Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
