It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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