i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
