he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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