were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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