allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
