saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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