her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
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Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
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I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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