So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize