Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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