Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
