You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
