my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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