talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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