Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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