Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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