Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
