Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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