Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
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tequila makes me forget i have legs
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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