So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
