somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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