I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
