You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
