I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
