Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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